Today, I’m honored to have Teresa, a homeschool mom, sharing her story with us. Teresa has been a part of A Heart for All Students private community this school year and has much to share with us.
If you’ve struggled to homeschool your neurodivergent children (ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia, etc), you’re not alone. Outside-the-box kids need an approach that supports their learning styles. And often that means the homeschool mom has to make some big changes to best equip her students.
At least, that’s my story, and as you’ll soon read, Teresa’s homeschool story as well.
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Never-Ending Quest of Homeschool Moms
In my never-ending quest to become a better homeschooler and mom, I recently signed up for a Charlotte Mason homeschool conference.
I was hoping for some magic bullet that would fix my methods and make my kids want to love learning. I dream of snuggling on the couch, everyone getting along, and talking endlessly about great books.
But honestly, I’d settle for math lessons without tears.
Charlotte Mason
I’d recently discovered the Charlotte Mason method of homeschooling. Her philosophy resonates with me, but my story is not about her.
However, before I get back to the homeschool conference, I’ve got to give you a bit of background. It starts with executive functioning.
Executive Function Impacts the Family
My kids are not the only people in my house that have executive function challenges. While I don’t have an ADHD diagnosis, I relate to many ADHD adults because I hate routine and live for novelty. And I’m always moving on to the next interesting thing.
But lately, I’ve been realizing that if I want my kids to have good habits, I need to have good habits. So I thought this would be good for me. I could finally make a schedule that would make our days go smoothly.
We would be emotionally regulated and my children would learn. So, I thought. Because in the end, it was my lack of routine that was the problem.
Education is an Atmosphere
I don’t remember much of what the speaker talked about, but I remember how it hit me. She quoted Charlotte Mason, as you do at a conference that bears her name:
“Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, and a life.”
I was hoping for some pointers on discipline because it is not my strong suit. Instead, she talked about creating an atmosphere. That resonated because I’d been working on the atmosphere of my home.
- I have a cute little art calendar that changes daily.
- And I try to play music that’s inspiring or interesting.
- (Most of the time my kids hate it, but occasionally they surprise me.)
- Even more, I try to clean off the table before we start lessons.
But I realize that that conference speaker wasn’t talking about the house. She was talking about me.
The Atmosphere is Beats the Lesson Plans
The teacher. The mama.
I realized I spend so much time worrying about my kids and their education and whether we’re going to get in trouble with our charter school or the judge who presides over our guardianship. Because what if…
- They don’t learn enough or learn the “right” things?
- Are they lazy and entitled?
- All this gentle, low-demand parenting isn’t good for my kids?
- Do they never want to go to church again?
All those worries show up at the table when we’re studying, whether I say them or not. Who could learn in that atmosphere? Not my beautiful children who are both emotional sponges.
Why would they want to work with me when I’m stressed and grouchy? When they feel like it’s their fault because they know my frustration is really with them? The most important thing I learned from that conference had nothing to do with education.
Trust That God Chose Me
My biggest lightbulb moment was when I rediscovered my need to trust God for my children. I believe God entrusted my children to me, and I’ve seen that as a huge responsibility. This is good.
But I’ve let that responsibility become a burden, which isn’t.
- If God trusts me with my children, why can’t I trust myself?
- And why can’t I trust God to meet the needs I can’t meet?
I knew that our homeschool could look so different if I believed that God is my children’s teacher. In the end, I’m just the assistant. One with responsibility, sure, but not sole responsibility.
3 Ways I Support Our Homeschool Atmosphere
So, here are three ways I’ve supported our neurodivergent homeschool atmosphere. These may not be the right changes for you, but I hope they inspire you to find what breathes life into your homeschool.
1. Faced My Fear & Sought Help
First, I checked in with the charter school to see what’s expected and how much freedom I have. And I prepared to walk away and take my chances so I could focus on what my kids need most.
It turns out, the charter school in my area was supportive. Y’all, the counselor mentioned pathological demand avoidance without me saying anything! We were able to forecast to high school knowing that I could give my kids an education that honors them.
Homeschool Laws Vary By State
It’s important to know that every state in the United States has different laws regarding homeschool requirements.
Some states require more than others. Check out the Homeschool Defense League for information about your state laws.
2. Pre-Planned Curriculum
Second, I purchased a preplanned curriculum.
I love to plan and run myself in circles planning. And then, like so many homeschool moms, I second-guess and keep planning. No. Really. I check every Facebook group making sure I haven’t missed a homeschool curriculum. You know what I mean.
The latest curriculum that goes along with the latest research. Or, even a homeschool curriculum that worked for someone else’s kids. I finally realized I needed to stop. And so I found a plan that I can flex with as needed but that takes the onus off me.
It also allows me to shift the blame a bit to the schedule with my kids, which works better for them than hearing that Mom is making them do this thing.
3. Prioritized My Soul-Nourishment
Third, and most importantly, I’m reaching out to God in practical ways.
1. Not pretending I’m happy when I’m not.
For me, this means learning to lament with the Psalmist. In other words, I’m allowing myself to feel my feelings without shame.
2. Reading the Bible
I’ve resumed the habit of reading out of my favorite bible translation in the morning. Even better, I’m geeking out on all the study notes to give my brain a boost of joy and dopamine.
3. Praying in Color
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I’m getting back in touch with a practice I learned about in the book Praying in Color that transformed my prayers.
This book helps guide me through the prayer process by getting it “out of my head” and onto paper. (You’ve probably figured out by now that I spend entirely too much time thinking.) Using this strategy has allowed me to communicate with God differently.
4. Intentional Song
I’ve started being intentional about singing praise and worship songs again at home. I’m paying attention to the lyrics, making sure they reflect how I feel and what I think about God.
Because of my kids’ sensory processing issues related to sound, I’m careful when I sing because it can contribute to sensory overwhelm for them. However, because it’s so life-giving for me, I prioritize worship through song.
Perfection Isn’t the Goal
None of this is perfect. I still get frustrated. And, sure. I yell sometimes. And, I worry. But I’m learning—however slowly—to push that anxiety away, to “cast my cares” upon the Lord, as Peter wrote in 1 Peter.
And to rest in the knowledge that my kids are made in the image of God. My only job is to help draw that out of them. Mostly that means getting out of the way and letting the Great Teacher do the work while I watch in wonder and gratitude.
Recap: Improving Our Homeschool Atmosphere
If you have read this far, I suspect you may need some change too. My prayer for you is that you remember that your children need your joyful presence even more than they need a great education.
May you rest in the knowledge that God loves your kids even more than you do. And have confidence that He has their best—and yours–in His heart.
Want to join a homeschool atmosphere that supports you, Friend? Join A Heart for All Students Private Community. We’d love to have you.
Teresa Jackson never planned to homeschool, but a worldwide pandemic led to a big change of plans. She’s blessed to have two kiddos who call her Mama, and she’s learning to navigate her neurospicy life.
thanks for sharing your story Teresa. Homeschooling doesn’t sound like a walk in the park for sure. But starting the day with a prayer for strength and insight from God always helps 🙂