To survive the holidays as an ADHD and Autism family, parents need to be prepared. Time with family and friends and space to focus on the important things in life are just a couple of reasons to get excited. Unfortunately, the holidays can also bring on extra stress when you’re raising ADHD, Autism, or other neurodivergent kids.
To help you survive this holiday season, I’ve asked some parents to share their top tips.
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Why Survive the Holidays as a Neurodivergent Family?
Why do we even have to “survive” the holidays?
I mean, most people complain about experiencing holiday stress to some degree. However, when you or your kids have higher support needs, holiday stress can be an entirely different beast.
Everyday life may already be full of unique challenges.
- Doctor’s appointments,
- Learning challenges,
- Therapies,
- Explosive behaviors,
- Emotional dysregulation,
- Sensory overwhelm
The Infractions that Lead to Survival Mode
When your kid struggles with emotional regulation, just one minor issue can lead to a behavioral explosion. You know what I mean.
- Loss of routine,
- Over-stimulation,
- Sensory overwhelm,
- Junk food & late nights,
- Social misfires/traffic jams,
- Unmet expectations and on and on
It’s freaking hard! Knowing this, it’s easy to see how things can go south fast during the holidays.
21 Tips to Survive the Holidays as a Neurodivergent Family
The following are 21 tips to survive the holidays. I specifically asked the moms in the AHFAS Private community to share how they minimize holiday stress.
1. Keep It Simple
Melanie’s starting us off this year. I mean, this AHFAS momma has her Ph.D. in MATH!! She’s a source of wisdom, right?
K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, Sally! Melanie suggests talking with your spouse to decide what’s important. In their house, they don’t stress about making a huge holiday meal. On Thanksgiving, she makes tacos, and her family loves it.
2. Less is More
Melanie also stresses that less is more. She encourages her extended family to purchase fewer gifts for her kids.
In fact, we don’t give gifts to our children because we don’t want to add more on top of what family already gives.
-Melanie, themathprofs.com
Erika, an adoptive mom, agrees with Melanie’s heartbeat for simplicity. More gifts = more mess = more frustration!!
Keep it simple. One or two gifts, not a lot of events or parties. In our home, the rule is one gift and simple stocking stuffers.
3. Do Your Thing Guilt-Free
One mom raising a son with dyslexia, anxiety, and sensory processing issues recommends letting go of the guilt.
The holidays don’t have to be spent exactly like everyone else. You don’t have to decorate the house and put up a tree if you don’t want to.
If you and your family absolutely love those things and it brings joy, do it. Not your thing? Then don’t!
She also recommends trying some new traditions that fit your family. It could be the best thing ever.
4. Stop Trying to Make Everyone Else Happy
Tricia, a teacher, and mom of 4 kids, agrees with Erica. She and her hubby only go to one event each holiday. That means one Easter dinner and one Thanksgiving dinner. That’s it.
For years we tried to make everyone happy and go to two or three events every holiday. It was a NIGHTMARE!
On Christmas, she and her family open presents, eat cinnamon rolls, and nap. She says there are no longer any expectations on Christmas day, and it’s been the best thing for her family.
5. Leave Early
Aryn, the mom of a highly-sensitive child, says it’s essential to know your family’s limits. She says you must do what’s best for your family above all else.
Don’t be afraid to leave early. Others don’t have to deal with the consequences of forcing my kids to stay at an event beyond their limits.
Aryn, mom of 2, (one highly sensitive), arynthelibraryan.com,
In the end, extended family and friends don’t get an opinion on your schedule.
6. Pick & Choose Where You Go
Kate, the mom of an 11-year-old with ADHD, agrees with Aryn.
Don’t be afraid to pick and choose what events or parties you attend. Do what makes you most at peace with yourself and your family.
7. Bring Food (Even If People Think You’re Weird)
Maggie, a mom raising a non-speaking autistic child says to bring your food.
My child’s on a strict no gluten, no dairy diet. I always bring plenty approved treats when we go to holiday gatherings.
Maggie, Maggie’s Fresh Kitchen
Melanie says it always helps to bring extra treats to share with others.
8. Think Like a Boy Scout
Amy is a mom for 4 kids each with their own unique needs. One of her kids has cerebral palsy and the others navigate ADHD, anxiety, and sensory processing disorders.
She says to be like a boy scout and be prepared! Amy recommends thinking ahead and trying to get in front of as many possible situations as possible.
The more prepared you are, the calmer you are likely to remain when something inevitably goes wrong.
Amy, Real Talk with Amy
9. Bring Activities
Set your kids and families up for holiday success by bringing a backpack of your child’s favorite toys and activities. Don’t show up at Grandma’s house and expect your Autistic child to sit idly with nothing to do. You can even pack simple crafts like this magic reindeer food activity.
10. Noise-Cancelling Headphones
Years ago, Alicia learned to always travel with noise-canceling headphones. Soon after her family arrived at the beach for the holidays, a fireworks display began.
My oldest was a sensory avoider and a RUNNER. We almost lost him both times as he ran into the crowd.
11. Give Them a Job
Another great way to help your anxious children survive the crowded holiday events is by giving them a job. Set your child up for success and less anxiety by giving them the responsibility to:
- take guest coats
- fill drinks
- collect wrapping paper trash
- clear the table
Giving your child a place to focus the extra nervous energy can reduce anxiety.
12. Check the Itinerary
Alicia explains that her son’s fight-or-flight response kicked in and he took off running!
When she finally found him, he was banging on business doors desperate to escape the noise. She hid him inside her winter coat and ran as far as she could to get away.
He and I both cried through it, but we made it. My son is 15 now and verbal and he can handle and enjoys fireworks! However, we now always double check the town’s itinerary whenever we travel.
Alicia is a mom of 3 boys. (2 biological and 1 adopted through foster care); Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Microcephaly, Mood Disorder, Shaken Baby Syndrome
13. Cushion Overstimulation
Stacy, from the Semi-Crunchy Mama, is chock full of suggestions. For example, she minimizes holiday stress for her son who struggles with his sensory processing.
She says it’s simple, but it works.
We only plan one thing a day. JUST ONE. If we break the rule, we plan nothing the day before or after to cushion the overstimulation.
14. Familiarity Breeds Calm
Familiarity breeds a sense of security. Stacy also recommends packing familiar foods when staying with extended family.
When we stay with family, we ask them to buy the same usual breakfast foods we eat at home.
This tiny breakfast accommodation can start the day off on the right foot.
15. Pre-Teach
Another mom recommends preparing kids for holiday traditions by pre-teaching.
Kara says she practices the family’s traditional activities. For example, she knows they will be singing Christmas carols with family on Christmas Eve.
We pre-teach them a few songs, so they feel prepared when we are with extended family.
We also make sure to walk through social skills and expectations ahead of time. Not too far in advance though or it can cause more anxiety and backfire.
16. Share the Plan
Kara says to explain all plans to anxious kids in advance.
I write out an overview of the week (holiday season or not). Then every morning we go through the schedule with our kids.
This eliminates anxiety and reduces stress on the day of holiday events.
17. Reassure Adopted Children About Food
Many adopted children who’ve experienced the trauma of starvation will understand Kara’s next comment. She continues,
“And reminding them that there will be enough food, and more food later, to stave off panic. It doesn’t always work, but we try.”
Check out this list of easy Christmas simmer pot recipes to make your holidays less stressful.
18. Discuss Expectations & Support Strategies
Even if you’ve worked on self-regulation strategies with your child for a long time, always review. Discuss appropriate behavior and self-management strategies ahead of time.
For example,
“If you’re feeling overwhelmed when Aunt Edna tries to talk to you, what can you do?”
Then brainstorm with your child so they’re prepared. Make a list of self-regulation strategies together. Doing so can empower your child and reduce holiday meltdowns.
19. Sensory Regulation Tools
To Kara’s earlier point, our kids need appropriate emotional regulation tools.
In our home, this is a BIG one. Instead of telling kids what not to do, we offer practical “to-do” options. For example, when we get home from a big event, I might suggest that my child reregulate or “reset” from the day.
Some examples are:
- Jumping on the trampoline
- Swinging on the swing set
- Chill time alone in their room
- listening to calming music while wrapped in a weighted blanket
Our trampoline has been a Godsend for my daughter, a vestibular and proprioceptive seeker.
I highly recommend the investment if you have a child who’s always jumping, crashing, and seeking deep pressure.
No products found.
20. Shared Activities to Connect Family
Every year I make sure to fill the holiday table with activities to engage the whole family.
I print out holiday printables like these free printable Christmas activity books pdf. Holiday printable activities are simple and an easy way to engage the family in shared activities. When looking for shared family activities, I look for simple ones.
- Board Games
- Thanksgiving scavenger hunt
- Holiday Word Search
- Word Scrambles
- Kid-friendly crafts
- For example, this Thanksgiving coffee filter turkey
We team up in multi-generational pairs: grandparents, aunts, siblings, kids, and friends. This also helps the conversation flow for our kids who struggle socially with conversation skills.
21. Invest in You
I don’t know where you are in this season with your child. You may be where I was a few years ago. I was stressed, confused, and isolated navigating my son’s uncontrollable behaviors.
Sadly, I felt like a failure and spent too many broken and miserable holidays. However, by God’s mercy, my family is in a radically different place. We are thriving. Not perfect but thriving.
Make a Change
Here’s the thing. That season with my son forced me to learn about God’s design of the brain and its impact on behavior.
That understanding combined with what I’ve learned in 2 decades of in-depth Scripture study has taught me one thing.
- The Gospel demonstrates the importance of relationship-first parenting.
That’s why I’ve spent more than a year creating a parenting course for moms who know there must be a better way.
Parenting Course for Moms
YOU were chosen to parent your child on purpose. Sometimes life feels out of control. The feelings of failure and shame can be overwhelming.
God doesn’t expect perfection. Perhaps this is the season to invest in a life-giving way to handle challenging behavior. Barely Surviving to Outright Thriving is everything I wished I knew then. There’s hope. I promise.
Recap: Survive the Holidays with ADHD and Autism
Surviving the holidays is not the goal. Friend, you can enjoy the holidays with your child. Prioritize the best interest of your family and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.
What about you? Do you have any holiday survival tips to share with another neurodivergent family? Comment below.
This is such a thoughtful list to compile, especially for parents who may have a child that has been recently diagnosed. It’s also helpful so others can support these families.
Thank you so much! All moms need to feel this freedom to do what is best for their families in this season so that they can capture the sweetness of the season, right? 🙂
Wow! This list is so thoughtful! I never would’ve thought of any of these things but I totally understand. I love how it’s all about doing what’s best for your fam which is what I think we should all do! Great hacks!
Thanks so much!!! As I am getting older, I am realizing just how much of a drain it is to live for everyone else’s expectations. All about boundaries, right? 🙂
This just touched me so much reading this. Thinking ahead and setting boundaries can take so much stress away. Prayer is a great one too!
Yes!!! Prayer is the best holiday hack of them all!!! I will add that as number 9! You are so wise, Tina! 🙂
Ugh the clutter is endless!! I always purge before Christmas so there is not as much stuff after my kids get gifts. Good advice here!
Clutter… the single most annoying thing… no.more.stuff. Right? Ha! 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing! Love the description on what can make the holidays stressful. Super eye opening!