Moms of ADHD and Autism: Let’s Talk Burnout

Many moms struggle in a state of burnout. Exhausted. Every. Single. Day. And yet, we keep trying. When you’re raising neurodivergent children, especially those with higher support needs, life can be overwhelming.

Today, let’s discuss burnout as a mom of neurodivergent kids.

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Why We Keep Trying

Recently, a mom of neurodivergent and medically fragile children shared a relatable scenario. Here’s what she said.

We finally decided to do family photos after like 5 years. Scheduled them several weeks ago for Saturday. Then my daughter got sick. In the end, we had to cancel.

Reading her message, I related to her on so many levels. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to create fun memories for my family. Then, how many times they’ve fallen apart.

The last thing she said in her comment hit me like a ton of bricks.

Sometimes I have no idea why I try.

Have you asked yourself the same question? If so, I hear you loud and clear.

My Burnout as a Mom of Neurodivergent Kids

It hit me hard because I had this exact narrative in my head just a few days prior.

If you’re new, you may not know that A Heart for All Students was born out of years of my mom burnout. The adoption of my son and the ensuing years of absolute chaos, stress, and isolation led to the mission of our community.

As parents, we desperately try to do the right thing for our children and families. We want our neurodivergent children, those who don’t fit the box, to flourish. This is what every parent wants for their children, right?

So, why is it so hard for our children? Why is every day such an uphill battle?

Unchecked Expectations on Neurodivergent Children

Kids who don’t fit the box of the world’s expectations struggle big time. This is especially true in the traditional systems of parenting, education, and the church.

Neurodivergent children (ADHD, Autism, anxiety, trauma, foster care, adoption, etc) live in a world designed in opposition to how they’re wired. The daily stressors they experience (simply by existing) can lead to challenging signs such as:

• Meltdowns
• Tantrums
• Volatile behavior
• Challenging ADHD symptoms
• Poor academic performance
• Bullying
• Self-shame

In a world of adults who see behavior as willful and within one’s control, our neurodivergent kids are set up for failure and shame.

Broken Hearts

When parenting a child who’s struggling, your heart breaks daily. You fight for the right support, neuroaffirming therapies, and educational interventions.

Each day, you battle for others to show compassion to your child. You spend your free time researching the latest studies. Late nights are spent reading every book to figure out how to help your child.

The physical and mental exhaustion of juggling it all is too much for one person. (And you might have a child who can’t sleep every night for 6 years. True story.)

You’re just burned out.

Mom Burnout Is Real

Mom burnout is real. And when your child has higher needs such as ADHD, Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, anxiety, dyslexia, etc, it’s even more intense.

But we still try. We still bother. Because we LOVE our kids fiercely.

Even though we know there’s a high likelihood that our plans will fall apart, we still bother.

Mom burnout is real. It’s important that we openly acknowledge our pains and struggles. Our needs matter.

If we pretend they don’t, we end up stuffing them deep down until we explode. Then we’re no good for anyone.

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