How should a Christian discipline their ADHD kid? What about an Autistic child?
For years, I wracked my brain searching for the answer to that question. Because in my mind, I was doing it wrong.
I just needed anything to MAKE. IT. STOP. Exhausted, defeated, and isolated, I did everything I could to navigate my “out-of-control” child.
- Daily meltdowns,
- Screaming,
- Kicking,
- Impulsive and dangerous behaviors
I tried to make the “good” Christian parenting strategies work. After all, they worked with my girls and my friends’ kids. But nothing worked and every traditional approach backfired.
Perhaps you relate? If so, I’m here to tell you that you’re not a failure and your kid is not bad.
Most importantly, there’s a better way for Christian parents to support neurodivergent children (ADHD, Autism, etc.)
This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn a nominal fee from qualifying purchases. Thank you for your support. See my disclosure policy for more info.
Discipline Starts with Relationship
I talk about nothing more than the importance of relationships with our kids. Nothing.
We have very little power if we don’t have a healthy, loving, and trust-based relationship with our children. Period. The End.
Scripture points to the need for a relationship with God. God influences us through relationship. And though it took me too long to figure this out, it works in parenting.
Stop Blaming Moms: We’re Not All-Powerful
For too long mothers, including myself, have been fed some serious garbage. You know how it goes.
If you don’t nip “bad” behavior in the bud now, your child will be a failure.
Then it’s all YOUR FAULT, Momma.
- When your child rebels…
- Your fault.
- Disobeys?
- It’s your fault, Mom.
- If your child does drugs guess who’s to blame?
- Yep. Momma.
- When your kid struggles with grades, organization, impulse control and all.the.things.
- That’s our fault too.
You may have received this message from any number of influences.
- Culture,
- Schools,
- Church,
- Grandparents,
- Neighbors,
- Friends,
- Ourselves
It doesn’t matter where this unhealthy parenting message came from. It’s dangerous.
Christian Discipline for ADHD: Relationship
Raising a neurodivergent child (ADHD, Autism, or any behavioral struggles) is NOT easy. It can be downright hell at times. Not because of our children, but because of how we adults handle behavioral issues.
- Meltdowns,
- Tantrums
Traditional discipline strategies hurt neurodivergent children. Kids need to feel safe to receive and process the information we want to impart to them.
Adult Executive Functioning Required
As I discuss extensively in Barely Surviving to Outright Thriving, relationship must come first.
This means we parents need to shift our perspective when kids display “poor” behaviors. Parents must use adult-level executive functioning skills to stop, breathe, and look deeper.
By looking behind the behaviors to seek root issues, we then can equip our children.
ADHD and Autism: Give Tools, Not Condemnation
Through relationship, we come alongside ADHD kids. Then we can offer them tools and strategies to better handle “the hard”.
- Disappointments,
- Frustrations,
- Transitions,
- Sensory overwhelm,
- Anxiety,
- Emotional regulation issues
We give them tools to navigate the tough parts of life AND lots of opportunities to practice under our care.
Safety First, Relationship First
Kids can’t hear us when they feel threatened. These kids, whether they live life through the lens of:
- ADHD,
- Autism,
- Complex trauma,
- Executive functioning issues,
- Anxiety,
- Learning differences
These kids live in a chronic state of fight-or-flight… by no choice of their own. To learn more about the brain and behaviors, check out Barely Surviving to Outright Thriving.
What’s the best strategy to use when our kids behave poorly?
Safety. Kids need to feel SAFE. What would feeling safe have looked like for you as a child? Comment below.
About the Author:
Lindsay is a trauma-informed educator with a Master’s Degree in Teaching. Her mission is to support moms to equip neurodivergent kids (ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia, Anxiety) to thrive as exactly who they’ve been created to be. Wait until you hear the story that led to it all…
This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn a nominal fee from qualifying purchases. Thank you for your support. See my disclosure policy for more info.
I don’t know how long this has been up here but keep going in Christ. I’m a struggling parental figure in the lives of three autistic girls all are on different spectrums and I’m trying to cope in a Godly way but I will admit when I become upset I fail. I want to be able to love them properly and teach them properly. They mind me but it’s out of fear instead of love and respect. I want to understand how to fully love them and properly discipline them and properly teach. Sometimes it’s a struggle but I want to do right by God and them. This message you wrote has helped on certain things and I thank you much for writing this. I thank God for allowing me to see this. I hope you post more information on adhd children and how to display the love of God in my life to all including them.
I really needed to see this! I’ve been struggling with homeschooling my little guy. We are both trying so hard. Some days I wonder if it’s worth it & if he’s benefiting as much as my daughter does homeschooling.