Are you or someone you love homeschooling FASD? Maybe you can relate.
We were tired of hearing everything that our son couldn’t do and wanted to focus on what he COULD do. Both of our children have homeschooling paths are unique and strength based.
In 2002, Natalie and John Vecchione brought home their newborn son from the NICU.
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The Decision to Homeschool FASD
Eleven years later, Natalie and John made the decision to homeschool him. In the end, they did so to save him from a constant barrage of bullying.
In Natalie’s own words,
We began homeschooling as an ACCOMMODATION for our son’s multiple physical, developmental and learning needs.
I’ve asked Natalie, co-host of the FASD Hope podcast, to speak to us about parenting and homeschooling FASD.
According to Natalie, homeschooling FASD has been a challenging, but exciting adventure.
The insight she offers has universal application to kids with a variety of developmental challenges.
We All Need to Know About FASD
What’s this FASD? And what does FASD have to do with homeschooling?
Well, maybe you, like Natalie, are an adoptive mom. Perhaps you have a child struggling with behavioral, emotional, or learning issues.
Or maybe you’re a human being living on planet earth with other human beings.
Regardless, if you said yes to any of the above, please keep reading.
While FASD may not ring a bell with you now, it’s important to know about this preventable developmental disorder.
In the end, it’s more prevalent than you may think.
Mental Health & The Dangers of Stigma
Before we begin, I’d like to offer a warning. This post contains information that may be painful for some.
Furthermore, it may feel stigmatizing.
Please know that there is grace and no shame whatsoever.
We are all just people doing the very best with what we know at any one given time.
Once we learn something new, we move forward with that in mind. No looking back and beating ourselves up.
Just move forward.
Diagnoses & Accommodations
It’s not uncommon for families to face an uphill battle to get a proper diagnosis for their child’s developmental challenges.
This was especially true for Natalie and her son.
Natalie’s 18-year-old son now has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) and bipolar disorder diagnoses.
Because of the limited awareness within the medical community, he didn’t receive his “official” diagnosis until he was 15.
7 Things About FASD Everyone Should Know
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) is a lifelong disability that affects the brain and body of those individuals who were prenatally exposed to alcohol.
It is the leading cause of developmental disabilities in the Western World.
Those who have an FASD have a lower developmental age compared to their chronological age.
A recent 2018 study, published in JAMA, by Phillip May, Ph.D. of UNC-Chapel Hill found that up to 1 in 20 first graders have an FASD.
FASD is the most misdiagnosed, undiagnosed, and underdiagnosed of all developmental disabilities.
NO amount of alcohol is safe during pregnancy. Out of all of the drugs/substances that can be exposed to an unborn child, alcohol causes the MOST damage.
Unfortunately, FASD is a BRAIN BASED disability with lifelong symptoms. It cannot be cured. A child or teen with an FASD is not “misbehaving” or “being disobedient”.
Their brain cannot process what is being asked of them.
It’s not that they WON’T, but that they CAN’T.
Although approximately 80% of children and teens in the US Foster Care System are impacted by an FASD, FASD is does not discriminate.
It is NOT limited to one population or demographic.
An FASD can happen to ANY unborn child exposed to ANY amount of alcohol during pregnancy.
Like Autism and other cognitive differences, FASD is considered a spectrum disorder. This is because each person with an FASD can show different symptoms.
As mentioned earlier, FASD results in cognitive, behavioral, health, adaptive functioning and learning challenges.
Additionally, there are over 400 comorbid medical and mental health diagnoses that can accompany having an FASD.
1. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS),
This is usually associated with children who display the facial features of FAS. Children do not need to show facial features to be affected by an FASD.
2. Partial Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (pFAS),
3. Alcohol Related Birth Defect (ARBD),
4. Neurobehavioral Disorder Associated with Prenatal Alcohol Exposure (ND-PAE)
5. Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder (ARND)
Facial abnormalities are evident in Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. There are 4 other FASDs that DO NOT show these features.
How Does One Child with FASD Learn?
Rather than focusing on his learning challenges, Natalie reflects back on her son’s clear strengths.
He, like so many children, was designed to learn through movement. Natalie’s son always enjoyed “hands-on” science experiments, art projects, and the like.
We always knew that our son loved to work with his hands and that he was very creative.
More specifically, she refers to him as a kinesthetic learner.
The Need for Sensory Input
Natalie also discusses her son’s drive for adventure and appropriate sensory input.
He also enjoyed outdoor activities, exploring nature and physical activities like skateboarding, scootering and lifting weights.
Proprioceptive & Vestibular Input
Skateboarding and scootering are both examples of activities that provide the brain with vestibular sensory input.
Lifting weights provides the brain and body with an alternative form of sensory input referred to as proprioceptive input.
Both forms of sensory input provide the body and brain with feel-good chemicals that calm the mind and body.
By God’s design, children and adults display preferences for various sensory input in order to best self-regulate.
This is important to know when homeschooling your child so that you can best equip them for academic, emotional and relational success.
What is proprioception?
Proprioception has to do with the input we receive in our joints and muscles that relate to body positioning.
(Proprioception Example: Close your eyes. Bend your arm. The sensation that tells your brain that your arm is bent has to do with proprioception.)
What is vestibular?
Vestibular input results from a change in the position or direction of the head.
(Vestibular Example: That sensation you feel when you fall from the top of a roller coaster or flip upside down.)
What is interoception?
The ability to know how you physically feel.
(Interoception Example: Am I cold? Hot? Am I hungry?)
Tips for Homeschooling FASD
I asked Natalie to share some of her greatest tips when homeschooling a child with an FASD.
Here’s what she had to say:
1. Meet Children Where They’re At
Natalie’s first recommendation when homeschooling FASD is simple.
Furthermore, it’s my number one recommendation for ANY parent of ANY child.
We MUST meet our children where they’re at so that they can explore the gifts in them. Learn their interests, support those interests, and nurture their growth...
Support your child. Learn how you can accommodate and support his or her needs! Meet your child where he or she is at….
2. Understand Inconsistencies in Memory
Again, Natalie hits the ball out of the park with this one. When homeschooling FASD, know this.
As a result of the brain damage from prenatal alcohol exposure, working memory can be poor.
One day, your child may remember something. And then the next day, they may not be able to retrieve it.
When that happens, shift gears and focus on what your child CAN do.
Short-Term to Long-Term Troubles
To explain further, Natalie recently interviewed Dr. Ira Chasnoff, Professor of Clinical Pediatrics at the University of Illinois College of Medicine.
In that episode, he notes that children with an FASD will show difficulties transferring information from short-term to long-term memory.
This explains why so many of children struggle with cause and effect.
More specifically, this is why these children “know the rules one day but break them the next.”
They DO NOT remember.
3. God’s Eyes of Grace
Not to beat a dead horse, but Natalie’s next piece of advice is spot on.
We moms have so much more power than we think.
When we shift our mindset to see our kids through God’s eyes of grace, things radically change.
See your child the same way the Lord sees them. As a gift, a blessing and YOUR teacher! I can honestly say that our son’s journey, taught ME numerous life lessons. Especially the past few years… and strengthened my FAITH!
4. Weaknesses Are Really Strengths
Natalie’s next piece of advice when homeschooling FASD is pure gold.
Natalie says,
When you see distractibility, (shift your focus to the opposite side of that coin). It’s highly likely that your child can hyperfocus on subjects of interest. Use those subjects and skills to fuel interest-led learning.
Like her, shifting my own perspective to see my child’s “weaknesses” as their true strengths has been a gamechanger.
Additionally, it’s foundational to my 4-step parenting framework.
5. Respite is Essential for Mom
Natalie’s last piece of advice is a foundational piece of this parenting puzzle.
She encourages moms homeschooling FASD to take care of YOU.
On the days that you think you can’t do this (and I’ve had MANY of those!), remember that the Lord trusted YOU to teach your child.
Remember, Friend. Tomorrow is a new day.
Meltdowns Pushing You to Your Limit?
Free 5-Day Parenting Devotional for Relief & Tools That Work!
Pocket of Respite Activities
And while Natalie recommends a rest and renewal day, there are often barriers to this possibility.
She gets that 100%. I get that 100%.
So, if getting away for an entire day is not possible, please prioritize one or two pockets of respite throughout your day.
A 15-minute lock-yourself-in-the-closet to scream session can do wonders to help you release some of the tension.
For me, a daily workout was essential. Even a “crappy” workout was better than none.
And the health benefits were far beyond physical.
Release the Guilt & Shame
More importantly, we need guilt-free pockets.
Christian moms often live under the burden of unhealthy theology. Sadly, that theology tells us that “self-care” is selfish.
Friend, if this is a burden you’re carrying, please sign up for the 5 Day Parenting Series for The Exhausted Mom.
God is so gracious and His heart for you is so tender. There’s so much hope!
Interdependence Is a Gift
As we close, let’s end with some encouraging news.
Natalie’s son is now 18 and has just graduated from homeschooling.
He is proudly working part time as a carpentry apprentice and studying computer coding online.
In Natalie’s words,
The journey doesn’t end when homeschool does, it begins a new chapter. We are converting one of our detached workshops into a tiny house for our son in the next year so he may have interdependence.
Thank you, Natalie.
Interdependence. Wow!
That sure sounds like a beautiful picture of real relationship to me.
Relationship with our kids is everything, My Friend. Without it, we have no influence.
As Natalie shows us beautifully, let’s nurture it well together.
Spread Awareness of FASD
To learn more about parenting and homeschooling children with FASD, please check out Natalie’s weekly podcast, FASD Hope.
Natalie Vecchione is an FASD parent advocate, homeschooler, podcaster.
Natalie recently co-authored a wonderful book, Blazing Homeschool Trails: Educating and Launching Teens with Developmental Disabilities. Pick up a copy today.
For more information about FASD:
Meltdowns Pushing You to Your Limit?
Free 5-Day Parenting Devotional for Relief & Tools That Work!
Meltdowns Pushing You to Your Limit?
Free 5-Day Parenting Devotional for Relief & Tools That Work!
Thank you for this article! I am a homeschool mom who has graduated 6 (mostly neurotypical) children. I now spend some of my time tutoring and helping other homeschool families. I have recently been asked if I could tutor math for a third grader who “most likely has FAS.” I’m feeling a bit unsure; this is out of my comfort zone, mostly because I just don’t have experience in this area. (I’ve mostly tutored high school math, sciences, and SAT prep.) Anyway, several people who know me say they are confident I could do it, and I’m leaning toward giving it a try. My question is…. Is there a curriculum that you would recommend for us to try? I’ve used Math-U-See in the past, and my current students use either Saxon or Teaching Textbooks. That’s what I’m familiar with, but I have a feeling those may not be the best suited for the situation. (I keep using the word “tutor” but in this case, mom is asking me to be the teacher for math. I would completely take it over for her. So we can use whatever curriculum that I choose.)
Lisa, I have no idea how I missed this comment about what homeschool math curriculum to use with a child w an FASD. It really all depends upon that child’s learning style, strengths and weaknesses. I have found that a mastery-based curriculum like Math U See can be very helpful for these kids w FASD. Have you read this post about how to choose the best math curriculum for your child? This can help guide you as to how to narrow down your options based on your particular learner. Good luck! Can’t wait to hear about what you choose and how it goes! 🙂 https://aheartforallstudents.com/home-schooling/homeschool-math-curriculum-planning/
What free language arts and reading program do I choose for my 8 year old grandaughter who we are raising who has FAS? We are homeschooling her with the help of my daughter who is a teacher. She has such a hard time with the traditional ways of learning reading and math. What are the best free curriculums for this. We are also homeschooling her sister, also with FAS who is 14. It is a struggle and they both have ADHD as well, which goes along with FAS. We are not financially well off and can afford an inexpensive program as well.
Hi Shelly,
Here are some free homeschool curriculum options that you may want to consider. 🙂 Lindsay