Let’s look at some of the best books on attachment theory. Attachment theory says that all infants must form a close bond with their parent (or caregiver). Those earliest relationships influence our attachment style. This attachment style has a lasting impact on our everyday relationships.
Improve your relationships by learning about and reading books about attachment theory.
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10 Best Books on Attachment Theory
You may be a parent searching for information about attachment and its impact on how you raise your children. However, understanding attachment should not be limited to those raising young children. In truth, early attachment impacts every person’s relationships with:
- Ourselves,
- Friendships,
- Parent-child relationships
- Romantic relationships,
- Bosses,
- and even the waitress at the restaurant
Since we all want to enjoy healthy relationships, here’s a list of 10 books on attachment theory.
1. Parenting From the Inside Out
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Daniel Siegel, M.D. is the author of many New York Times bestselling books including, The Whole Brain Child. Parenting From the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive is an attachment parenting must-read.
Dr. Siegel co-authored this excellent book with Mary Hartzell. Together, they help parents understand how our early experiences influence how we interact with our kids. Both authors share insight into their personal childhood experiences and how they impacted their reactions to their children.
Additionally, the second edition includes new research into what Siegel terms “interpersonal neurobiology.”
2. The Connected Parent
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The Connected Parent by Lisa Qualls and Karyn Purvis needs to be on every parent’s bookshelf. This is especially important for parents of neurodivergent children as it lays the foundation of why traditional parenting approaches fail.
The late Dr. Karyn Purvis created Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) as a tool to be used in clinical practice with children “from hard places” (complex trauma). TBRI integrates concepts from Dr. Purvis’:
- Personal faith,
- Experiences in clinical work,
- A lifetime of parenting both her biological and foster children
- Scientific research and our current understanding of attachment theory
This book is a goldmine for any parent overwhelmed when traditional parenting approaches are failing your child and family.
Living in a Warzone?
I’ll leave you with this quote by co-author Lisa Qualls,
Convinced that nobody could understand the chaos in our home, we withdrew into our private struggle. Many of our days were spent trying to keep everyone safe… I struggled with a raging child while trying to take care of everyone else.
Friend, if this resonates, read The Connected Parent: Real Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment.
3. The Power of Attachment
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Diane Poole Heller wrote The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships. This book helps readers work through and understand how early traumatic events impact current relationships.
Dr. Poole integrates the science of attachment and the latest research in trauma to support healing in adult relationships.
4. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment
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In Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment, neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine partners with Rachel Heller, M.A. Together, they share insight into adult attachment as it relates to romantic partners.
This great book helps readers understand adult attachment styles and their influence on lasting intimate relationships. The authors do this in three ways.
- Helping readers determine their attachment styles,
- Then, identify their partner’s attachment lens,
- And finally, the authors offer practical relationship advice
Ultimately, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment is one of those powerful tools that helps readers with their relationships with children, spouses, friendships, etc.
5. The Attachment Theory Workbook
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The Attachment Theory Workbook is a practical guide. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Annie Chen, created this workbook as a handbook of attachment.
This attachment guidebook gives readers an overview of attachment theory. It also helps them identify and better understand their own attachment styles.
Additionally, the workbook is filled with activities to help explore new ways to create emotionally safe relationships by growing in the areas of:
- Transparency
- Integrity
- Communication skills
Thought-Provoking Attachment Exercises
Exercises are easy to navigate and include a good look at relationship attachment styles. Some prompts include:
- Identifying the five most important people in your life
- What makes them important?
- How important?
- Level of stress related to that relationship
- What You Most Value in a Relationship
- Rate Attachment security or insecurity level
The Attachment Theory Workbook is a valuable tool to grow in your relationships with yourself and others.
6. The Body Keeps the Score
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The Body Keeps the Score is one of my favorite books on attachment, trauma, and how our earliest relationship with a parent, impacts our everyday lives.
Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk is an expert in trauma and its impact on the physiological and emotional health of both kids and adults. In his famous book, The Body Keeps the Score, he weaves decades of research in the neurobiology of trauma and attachment.
Complex Needs
Additionally, I recommend this book for parents, teachers, and therapists of children with complex needs. Specifically, related to adoption and foster care, neurodiversity (ADHD, Anxiety, Autism), bullying, and more.
(Please note that this is a heavy book. If you’re overwhelmed this season, try the audiobook on Audible or save it for later in your journey.)
7. Securely Attached
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Mike and Kristin Berry are adoptive parents. Their book, Securely Attached: How Understanding Childhood Trauma Will Transform Your Parenting, is a handbook for adoptive and foster parents everywhere.
The couple has been sharing support and wisdom related to adoption, foster care, and trauma for years. I discovered the Berrys during one of the hardest seasons of my parenting life.
Adoption and Attachment
We had adopted our son 3 years prior and were living in a warzone. Resources such as the Berry’s helped me understand the impact of trauma and the “why” behind hard behavior.
If you care for children with anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment, this is a go-to guide. For more on growing as parents, check out these lessons as foster parents.
Learn More in Behind the Behavior Book!
8. Created for Connection
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Dr. Sue Johnson is a Clinical Psychologist who designed the therapeutic framework, Emotionally Focused Therapy. This framework is based on the research of attachment theory.
In Created for Connection, Dr. Johnson teamed up with Christian counselor, Kenneth Sanderfer, to write a book that integrates the wisdom of clinical psychology, attachment theory, and faith. It’s an excellent resource for married couples longing to strengthen their long-term relationship.
9. Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships
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Interestingly, Dr. Stan Tatkin’s Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships is only available in audiobook. It’s a speaking presentation that is excellent for those having relationship problems specific to their partner.
Dr. Tatkin shares that his personal experience of divorce in his first marriage propelled him into the area of couples research. He speaks to his readers like a longtime friend and does a fantastic job communicating the concepts of:
- Early attachment and infant development
- Nervous system and dysregulation in relationships
- How to disagree without hostility
Additionally, he takes apart unhealthy cultural ideas such as loving yourself before you can love someone else. This book is primarily focused on couples, but the foundational neurobiological information he shares can help anyone.
10. Raising a Secure Child
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Raising a Secure Child: How Circle of Security Parenting Can Help You Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Resilience, and Freedom to Explore is a long title, but the book is jam-packed with bite-sized nuggets.
Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper, and Bert Powell are three mental health professionals who teamed up to create a tool for parents.
This book is a practical guide to help parents with strategies to support their children. With a forward written by Dr. Daniel Siegel, you know Raising a Secure Child is based on solid principles you can trust.
Recap: Best Books on Attachment Theory
In the end, we all know that relationships are foundational to thriving as human beings. Faith, culture, and now science understand that we cannot thrive without safe connections with loved ones.
Ultimately, it all begins with the parent-child bond (or primary caregiver) that begins in infancy and continues throughout childhood.
The good news is that with support, a willingness to learn and grow, as well as compassion for yourself and others, you can heal from past hurts and move forward into healthier relationships.
So, Friend. Now that you’ve read through the list which one will you read first?
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About the Author:
Lindsay is a trauma-informed educator with a Master’s Degree in Teaching. Her mission is to support moms to equip neurodivergent kids (ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia, Anxiety) to thrive as exactly who they’ve been created to be. Wait until you hear the story that led to it all…
Learn More in Behind the Behavior Book!
