A Heart For All Students: Tips To Parent An Angry Kid
How To Help Our Angry Kids
When the world tells us that our kids’ “poor” behaviors are always WILLFUL we can end up so frustrated when traditional ways of discipline don’t work.
We adults are great at becoming “offended” when our kids behave “badly.” This happens because deep down, we believe that our value comes from our children’s outward behavior.
Girlfriends, this is such a lie and it’s killing us moms and it’s destroying our kids who don’t fall in line with the world’s expectations!
Mommas are always asking me what to do about their kids whose default response is RAGE. When our kids become ANGRY at the slightest hint of correction.
Anger Within The Church
Within the church community, we moms have an extra level of pressure because we are continually reminded that ANGER is SIN. Therefore, we mommas had better nip that in the bud. Ugh! Such a life-sucking belief that destroys.
So many of our kids are struggling not because they are intentionally trying to be ugly, but because THEY NEED HELP. And when we moms continue to push harder with the same old rewards and consequences mentality, we often only make things so much worse.
In this week’s episode, I discuss the challenges and pain (I’ve been there, Girls) of having a raging, destructive child. I share what I’ve learned and why we must approach these kids differently.
Be encouraged! There’s hope!
Podcast Audio Text
Hey friend, in today’s episode, I am speaking to an issue that so many moms face as they parent, and in particular when you’re raising a child who doesn’t fit the box of the world’s expectations.
This issue is even bigger.
And what is it, friend? It’s when our kids lose it and they rage and get frustrated whenever they’re asked to do something they don’t really want to do or whenever they’re slightly corrected
Key Ideas And Concepts About Tips To Parent An Angry Kid
What does a parent do when his/her child’s first reaction to any frustration is rage?
We’re told that rage and anger and frustration is bad. But the problem is, we’re human beings and rage and anger and frustration are just symptoms of what’s going on inside.
We need to look behind the behavior and try to figure out what is going on for so many of our kids that are struggling with executive functioning issues or just kids that are wired differently.
They know internally that they’re different. And those differences and those struggles that they navigate are constantly corrected, constantly pointed out, not intentionally by anyone to do harm, but just because this is the world we live in.
These kids are constantly receiving these messages that they’re not good enough.
When we feel like we’re not good enough, when we feel like we’re not valuable, when we feel like everything we do is wrong, the only thing we can do is become protective.
When we feel bad about ourselves, we become protective and that protection oftentimes leads to anger. And I know this is true for adults. This isn’t just true for our children.
Unfortunately, in our culture, in our world and even in our churches, we tend to frame behavior as the be all end all.
The best way to reach my heart when I am losing my ever loving mind is when someone shows me grace and compassion and love.
God shows us love even while we’re a mess. The Gospel is so clear that we cannot behave perfectly and the only way for God to rescue us was through relationship, even while we were still sinners, even while our behavior was still a mess.
The only way we change, the only way our desires become more like God’s is through relationship.
We have to learn to look behind the behaviors and seek the heart of our children. We have to take a step back and think what’s going on? How can I connect with this child so that this child feels safe?
It only comes through relationship. Some of our children are living in a world that tells them everything about them is wrong.
Relationship has to be first. We cannot get our kids to do what we want. We can not get our kids to obey without having a relationship.
Again, it all goes back to what do they feel about who they are.
The part of the brain that is responsible for reasoning, that is responsible for executive functioning, which basically allows us to override our big emotions, to override our desires to do that which we’re not supposed to do. That part of the brain doesn’t even develop until the third decade of life.
That part of the brain is not developed in our kids. So the way we reach them is we bring down fear, we allow them to feel safe. And that comes through relationship.
There’s so many ways to love our children well, and often times that comes from really examining the expectations that we have. Are those expectations appropriate for my child? What does my child need in this moment?
It is OK to give our kids grace and parent them differently.
Select What You Want To Hear
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- [01:44] What Do I Do When..
- [03:48] Fear Leads To Anger
- [05:30] Compassion And Love
- [06:14] Look Behind The Behavior
- [08:45] But None Of That Matters
- [10:27] We Lose Our Minds
- [12:15] Free Five Day Devotional