Autism masking is a necessary survival skill for most autistic children and adults. We live in a neurotypical world full of social norms and expectations of behavior that don’t consider the needs of autistic individuals. Out of necessity, autistic people must mask or camouflage their needs.
If you’re parenting an autistic child, it’s important to understand how this can impact your child. Understandably, hiding one’s true self through autistic masking can lead to devastating mental health problems. One can only deny their internal experiences for so long before they reach a breaking point.
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To support our autistic children and the larger autistic community, today we’ll discuss autistic masking. Specifically, we’ll dive into the following:
- What is autism masking?
- Why is it so prevalent?
- What are adults doing to perpetuate the cycle?
- How masking leads to mental health issues and late or misdiagnosis in autistic women and girls,
- The effects of masking on autistic people,
- How we can support the dignity and value of every human being?
So, if you’re ready, let’s jump in!
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What is Autism?
According to Autisticadvocacy.org, a group of Autistic-led autism advocates,
Autism is a developmental disability that affects how autistic people experience the world.
Reframing Autism, another advocacy group of autistic adult leaders says it this way.
Autism is a brain difference that is basic and fundamental to who (they) are.
Both organizations recognize that the autistic experience is different from that of non-autistic people. Specifically, they describe autism as a unique way of processing the world.
Seen as a matter of neurotypes, autistic and non-autistic people experience differences in:
- Communication,
- Social skills,
- How they engage in passions (develop expertise in special interests),
- Movement and body language,
- Imagination and play, (Despite claims to the contrary, many autistic people have deep imaginative lives.)
- Sensory experiences (Autistic adults and kids often experience sensory input differently than non-autistic people.)
Supportive Insight:
Autistic-led autism advocacy groups and the majority of autistic adults oppose the term autism spectrum disorder.
Unfortunately, obtaining an official autism diagnosis requires the DSM-V label of ASD (autism spectrum disorder).
What is Autism Masking?
Jenera Nerenburg, the author of Divergent Mind and founder of the Neurodiversity Project, describes masking this way.
Masking refers to an unconscious or conscious effort to hide and cover one’s own self from the world. (This is) an attempt to accommodate others and coexist.
In other words, at minimum, the autistic person suppresses their autistic traits. Most often, they suppress their autistic traits AND replace them with neurotypical social behaviors.
They’re Fine… Everything’s Fine
To outsiders, the autistic individual may appear fine. Teachers often tell parents,
They’re totally fine at school. I don’t know why he’s melting down at home.
It’s called autistic masking, and he can only withstand the pressure for so long before he loses it.
In the end, when you:
- do the research,
- listen to the autistic community,
- and look for the root of your child’s behaviors,
You’ll find masking is a matter of autistic survival.
Examples of Masking
We live in a culture that praises boldness, articulation, compliance, conformity, extroversion, and the like.
Because autistic children and adults were created with a unique way of processing the world, it’s no wonder they’re forced to mask. While masking looks different for everyone, some examples include:
- Suppressing calming physical stims to please teachers, ABA therapists, and parents
- Curbing verbal stimming, such as echolalia (repeating words or phrases)
- Hiding one’s area of interest to avoid bullying
Other signs of autism masking include:
- Making eye contact when it makes one uncomfortable
- Copying facial expressions of neurotypical boys or girls
- Spending a long time in environments that lead to sensory overload
- Attending social events that cause incredible social anxiety to please others
- (that birthday party for Aunt Edna, for example)
Think about it this way. Your child’s autistic meltdowns and resistance to large gatherings are often natural reactions to unsafe environments.
How Parents of Autistic Children Influence Masking
Unfortunately, autistic children learn at a very young age that their autistic behaviors are unacceptable.
Parents of autistic children often grew up with certain expectations of behavior that lead them to assess their child’s behavior negatively.
Unfortunately, they assume their child’s “unexpected behavior” is wrong. Further, they don’t realize that comparing their child’s autistic behaviors against neurotypical behaviors can come at a heavy cost.
(I’ve made this mistake myself. Trust me. There’s no judgment.)
Shaming Autistic Behavior
For example, repetitive behaviors common to autistic folks such as stimming are often shamed.
This leads to forced suppression of the very compensatory strategies autistic children need to emotionally self-regulate. Labeling autistic behavior as wrong simply because it’s different from non-autistic behavior is tragic.
Further, not attempting to understand and meet the specific needs behind autistic behavior leaves children vulnerable.
A simple reframing of autistic behavior can make all the difference. Instead of weaknesses, look for strengths. Behavior is information.
Why Do People Mask?
Most people mask to some degree depending upon the particular situation they’re in. For example, it’s not uncommon for one’s behavior to change when:
- Engaging in job interviews,
- Meeting a significant other’s parents for the first time,
- Dining at a fancy restaurant, etc.
However, the rate, duration, and amount of effort required for autistic masking far exceed that of non-autistics.
So, if it’s that distressing, why do autistics mask in the first place?
According to Kieren at theautisticadvocate.com,
Masking is what we do to keep us safe. Autistic masking is the act of an Autistic person presenting themselves as a non-Autistic person.
She further emphasizes that hiding autistic traits is a form of protection. Specifically, that protective drive develops over time in various ways and from different situations.
Autistic Children are Forced into Masking
Additionally, we must not overlook that the autism intervention most pushed by “experts” requires children to mask their autistic traits.
Autistic kids who receive an early diagnosis are required to mask if placed in ABA therapy. According to Child Mind Institute,
In ABA therapy, a therapist reinforces desired behaviors and discourages unwanted behavior in a patient.
Unfortunately, those “desired behaviors” are typically non-autistic behaviors. While “non-desired behaviors” are usually autistic behaviors.
Non-autistic behaviors such as eye contact are reinforced and autistic behaviors such as stimming are discouraged.
Parent Tip:
In the face of your child’s difficult behavior,
- take a deep breath,
- then ask yourself the following question.
“What’s the need behind my child’s behavior?
How can I support them to take their next step?”
What is Stimming?
Autistic behaviors are unique from non-autistic behaviors in different ways.
As mentioned earlier, autistics and non-autistics differ in social communication, sensory experiences, and behavior.
One behavior common to autistics is stimming.
Stimming refers to repetitive rhythmic movements or verbal expressions that serve a variety of purposes. According to research, autistic children and adults stim to support:
- self-regulation,
- emotional regulation,
- anxiety
While everyone stims to some degree or another, it’s more common in the autistic community.
Examples of Stimming Behaviors
Some different examples of stimming behaviors include:
- rocking back and forth
- hand flapping
- verbal stims such as echolalia (repeating words or phrases)
- biting fingernails or cuticles
- headbanging
- cracking knuckles
- feet tapping
- playing with hair
- humming
- spinning
- bouncing
- looking out of the sides of the eyes
- tooth grinding
A 2019 study noted that stimming was generally used as a coping strategy to self-regulate in overwhelming environments.
Additionally, they noted that most stimming behaviors were reported as beneficial and calming.
Even more importantly, they noted that “understanding (by non-autistics) held the key to acceptance of non-harmful stimming in autistic adults.”
Masking vs Camouflaging
Again, masking characteristics of one’s true self depending on the social context is something all people do at times.
However, autistic people are forced into masking as a social survival strategy. They have no choice.
While masking refers to suppressing one’s autistic traits, camouflaging refers to the autistic individual’s use of non-autistic behaviors to successfully navigate their everyday life.
Both masking and camouflaging can be a conscious or unconscious reaction to the negative social consequences of being different from the neurotypical majority.
Taking Off the Mask
Masking develops slowly over time beginning in childhood which makes it hard for those adult autistics who’ve tried to “drop the mask.”
They’ve been masking for so long that they don’t know which of their social behaviors are rooted in masking.
As part of a #TakeTheMaskOff campaign, one autistic woman said this.
I’m such an expert masker, and have developed my masks to be disguises of such nuanced, subtle, finessed complexity, that I struggle to find myself… And as I contemplated… it occurred to me. I don’t know who I am.
This is an unacceptable reality that’s all too common. It must change for the next generation of autistic children.
Researchers Supporting Autistic Community
Fortunately, researchers are working to support the autistic community.
Academic research led by Laura Hull revealed three key components to masking. Specifically, her team found the unconscious suppression of natural autistic responses relates to three issues.
- Desire to fit in and increase connection with other people
- Camouflaging included masking and compensation techniques
- Short-term and long-term impacts include exhaustion, negative stereotypes, and self-perception/identity issues
Side note. The desire to fit in flies in the face of the false stereotype that autistic children don’t long for friendships.
Anyhow, this understanding led Hull to develop the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q).
Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire
The CAT-Q is an assessment tool that can help autistic individuals better identify and understand their masking behaviors.
According to Hull, the CAT-Q measures three components of camouflaging.
- Compensation
- Masking
- Assimilation
While most people use the terms masking and camouflaging interchangeably, Hull describes masking as a sub-category of camouflaging.
So, let’s dive into the CAT-Q’s three sub-categories of camouflaging and see what we can gain.
Compensation Strategies
Compensation refers to strategies used to actively compensate for social challenges. A few compensation strategies include:
- Copying body language or expressions
- Imitating the tone of voice of others
- Memorizing scripts from television shows or movies
- Practicing facial expressions in the mirror
Have you noticed your child or someone you love engaged in these compensatory strategies?
Now let’s turn to the masking subcategory.
Masking Strategies
Masking refers specifically to different ways to hide one’s autistic behaviors or to appear non-autistic. These masking strategies may look like this:
- Feeling pressured to make eye contact (suppressing the desire to look away)
- Monitoring one’s facial expressions and body language
- Mentally consumed by the impression made on others
Again, masking is suppressing the traits that make one autistic.
Though I do not identify as autistic, I can certainly relate to that last one.
How about you?
Assimilation Strategies
Assimilation refers to strategies that help one blend in with others in difficult social settings. Some forms of assimilation include:
- Acting like someone else (for example, a character in a movie or show)
- Avoiding interactions with others in social situations
- Needing a support person to interact with others
That last example is particularly common in young girls who “appear” to be social. Yet, we find that they’re often hiding “under the wing” of a mother-hen friend.
Have you noticed your daughter gravitating to and following a “mother-hen” friend? Does your son quote the same character over and over again?
Parent Tip:
When you notice your child masking, don’t panic.
Just take note of it. Gathering this information will help you best understand, support, and equip your child.
Gender Differences in Autistic Masking
When most people think of autism, they think in terms of autistic boys. However, in recent years, the number of diagnosed autistic females has increased dramatically.
A recent study concluded that the ratio of male to female autism is 3:1 in the United States.
But why are boys diagnosed with autism more often anyway?
It’s hypothesized that the nuances of the female social world combined with societal gender expectations create extra pressure for female masking.
Girls tend to modify their social communication to avoid social isolation. Further, some autistic girls may be so good at social imitation (at hiding their true selves) that teachers and parents don’t recognize the need.
This is just one reason why experts believe that autism in girls is underdiagnosed or delayed.
Gender Bias in DSM-V
Another important factor contributing to the underdiagnosis of autistic girls is the diagnostic gender bias of the DSM-V.
It’s generally noted that the current diagnostic criteria for autism are based on the behaviors of boys without accounting for its presentation in girls.
For example, the DSM-V focuses a great deal on:
- Repetitive behaviors such as lining up trains
- Girls often don’t present like this.
- Intense special interests
- Most doctors pick up on an obsession with elevators, but more “girly” behavior is dismissed as “normal.“
Further, girls tend to demonstrate greater control over their behaviors, and therefore, may not stand out as autistic.
Is Masking The Key Feature of Female Autism?
Some experts suggest that a key feature of female autism may be the ability to ‘camouflage’ social difficulties.
According to Hull,
Behavioural observations suggest that girls camouflage their social difficulties (e.g. by staying in close proximity to peers and weaving in and out of activities) to a greater extent on the playground than boys, and therefore are less likely to be identified as struggling socially.
Fortunately, more and more adult women are identifying as autistic either through formal or self-diagnosis.
Adult Autistic Community
More encouraging is that autistic adult support groups are growing every day. Specifically, social media platforms are being used as a safe place for marginalized autistic voices to find community.
This is a great time in history for autistic adults (both male and female) to share and learn from one another online. And of course, we need to keep our eyes out for autistic girls and boys masking in plain sight.
Let them not sacrifice themselves on the altar of fitting in.
Successful at Fitting In?
According to a 2017 report by the European of Special Needs Education, masking has both positive and negative purposes.
This particular research focused on girls ages 11-17 who masked as a means to overcome social difficulties.
Masking included imitating the social behaviors of non-autistics.
- imitating the tone of voice
- body language
- facial expressions
- modeling mannerisms
- scripting from movies or TV shows
The researchers noted the following:
…an interesting observation made by some of the (girls’) parents… that their daughters could successfully hide… autistic characteristics. Many reported how well their daughters coped or how they made adjustments to their behaviour in order to fit in.
Their conclusion doesn’t sit well with me. This is what they said.
As such, this ‘masking’ behavior offered a solution to some of their social difficulties.
Not gonna lie, Friend. I almost lost my mind when reading that last line about masking as a solution. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that living a lie to be socially accepted is a path to mental illness.
Even the WHO Knows
Even the World Health Organization notes that risk factors impacting adolescent mental health include:
- Exposure to adversity,
- Pressure to conform with peers,
- and Exploration of identity
All three of these risk factors are a daily reality of autistic children. Tragically, mainstream autism interventions often perpetuate this damage.
Fortunately, the researchers in the earlier study did note the mental health effects on these girls. Specifically, the damaging effects suffered as a result of bullying and masking.
Related to the act of masking, researchers pointed to internalizing and hiding identity led to intense anxiety and stress for autistic girls.
Additionally, they noted that placing autistic children in mainstream schools is linked with increased absenteeism, bullying, and autistic masking.
It’s time to change the narrative that puts the onus on autistic children to suppress their uniqueness to please neurotypical society.
Effects of Masking on Autistic People
Throughout this article, we’ve seen that autistic masking and camouflaging can have devastating effects.
Specifically, some of the negative effects of masking include the following.
- Increased risk of suicide
- Severe anxiety and depression
- Misdiagnosis or delayed diagnosis (most often in girls and women)
- Loss of identity
- Autistic burnout
On the other hand, some suggest that there may be social benefits of masking.
Being able to modify our behavior for the environment can help in our work, relationships, and learning.
No doubt about it.
However, our ultimate goal should be to create an environment that allows everyone the opportunity to thrive as themselves.
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Change the Narrative
So, how do we make a change for the good of all neurotypes?
Because as it currently stands, for the autistic person to survive social interaction, they’re forced to mask their true self.
If they don’t suppress their autistic traits, they run the risk of negative responses from non-autistics. Again, those include:
- bullying,
- social isolation,
- gossip,
- or even physical assault.
We know this is a huge problem that must be addressed on a societal level. If we’ve learned anything in the history of our country, haven’t we learned the value of every human life?
Let’s work together to change the narrative for the autistic community and all marginalized communities.
Three Ways to Support Autistic Adults & Children
I suggest three simple ways to support the next generation of autistic children and adults.
- Strengths-based mindset
- Listen to the real autism experts, autistic individuals
- Change our language
1. Neurodiversity Mindset
Developing a strengths-based mindset towards neurodiversity is one of the best things we can do to support autistic individuals.
2. Learn from Autistic Adults
This includes turning our attention to the real autism experts, autistic adults. Learning from those with a lived autistic experience can lead to less stigma and greater acceptance.
Further, autistic adults can help us support autistic loved ones well. Specifically, not to change, but to support them to thrive as themselves.
Two incredible autistic-led advocacy organizations include:
Both organizations support autistic children, adults, educators, support providers, and family members of autistic loved ones.
Reframing Autism has a ton of free resources to support autistic loved ones.
One of my favorites is this printable Neurodiversity Affirming Letter for friends, family, teachers, and other caregivers in your child’s life.
3. Change Our Language
Lastly, we can change our language from one that pathologizes, to one that embraces neurological differences.
Some simple language shifts include:
- Dropping functioning labels
- the terms high-functioning autism and low-functioning autism are highly offensive to the majority of the adult autistic community.
- Use identity-first language
- Autistic person
Every autistic person is unique and may have different language preferences. In the end, once you know, it’s important to honor the preferred language of the individual.
We live in an imperfect world and we’ll all make mistakes. However, I firmly believe that we must do our best to create safe relationships with people in our lives.
Sometimes, that means we let go of our preferred language to honor someone else.
Recap: Autism, Masking, & Moving Forward
While we’ve spent a lot of time focused on masking as it relates to female autistics, we know that boys are forced to mask as well.
What I’m about to say may sound crazy, but hear me out.
Parents can support our autistic children and the greater autistic community through social media.
Young people use social media regularly. Because of the growing neurodiversity movement on social media, we can spend time learning from adult autistics alongside our children.
Search the hashtag #ActuallyAutistic and do research ahead of time to find adult autistic advocates you can trust. Our children need adult autistic role models to look up to.
Let’s help them find those role models safely. You can do this in your local community or online.
So, Friend, what do you think? Do you have masking experiences to share?
Have you noticed camouflaging behaviors in your autistic child or loved ones? Would love to hear your thoughts.
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