Many women have navigated the painful journey of infertility. Some of gone on from infertility to adoption.
If you have navigated these waters, know that you are seen and are not alone.
I hope by sharing some of my journey, you will find some encouragement and hope.
Before we get started, if you haven’t already, please read Our Adoption Story – Part 1.
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The Grief of Secondary Infertility
After losing my baby girl, I experienced a depth of pain that sucked the breath out of me for months.
In that season of grief, I memorized more Scripture than I ever had in my life.
And honestly, it was not because of me. Trust me.
Chunks and chunks of Scripture were embedded into the core of my mind and spirit.
As I look back on it, I now know that this season of time in the Word was just one step in my journey.
It was His preparation for the next tumultuous chapter of our story.
Infertility to Adoption at Dinner
We received the call one evening while my family and I sat around the dinner table.
Looking down at the number, I didn’t recognize it. I let it go straight to voicemail.
Something stuck out to me because I immediately felt that the person calling was calling me about our adoption.
I just knew it instinctively.
The months prior
After losing our Ryan Adeline, my husband and I spent months seeking intervention from a reproductive endocrinologist.
We chose not to pursue more invasive forms of fertility treatment.
However, I did go through procedures to try to see if there were obvious answers to losing her.
Ultimately, we never found any clear answers about why we lost her. No explanation about why I couldn’t maintain a pregnancy.
In the end, I experienced 6 early miscarriages and the late loss of our baby girl.
Landing on the same page… infertility to adoption
The Lord positioned Ian and me to reach a specific conclusion at the same time.
We were to continue our journey of infertility by taking the next step of adoption.
In July of 2013, Ian and I took our two little girls away for some much-needed downtime in Hilton Head, South Carolina.
It was there that we both landed on adoption as the next step to grow our family.
Infertility to adoption… zero to sixty
Within one month, we completed our home study with a local adoption resource.
We chose not to go with a traditional adoption agency. The adoption process can take what seems like forever. I was not in the frame of mind to hand over the process to an agency.
Handing over control of this next stage of our journey to a non-invested stranger was not an option for me.
I needed to participate in the process.
Learn More in Behind the Behavior Book!
The dinner call
It was December 2013. Not recognizing the phone number on the screen, I tapped the red “decline” icon on my phone screen.
However, something inside me stirred. Glancing over at Ian, I caught his eye and then whispered to him from across the table, “Adoption.”
The mysterious phone number had to do with our adoption. Something inside me knew that was the case.
Or at least I had hoped.
Excusing myself from the kitchen once we had finished eating dinner, I left Ian and the girls to clean up the table.
I trudged up the stairway slowly and with each step my heart began pounding harder and harder.
(No, not due to the physical exertion of climbing a flight of stairs.)
My mind teased through the possible identities of this mysterious caller.
Infertility & Its Impact On Mental Health
The internal dialogue in my own head was getting the best of me really quickly.
Anxiety rears its ugly head even in the exciting moments of life.
ANXIETY IS BRUTAL… brutal and debilitating but that’s a whole other blog post.
The next steps of adoption
My suspicions were spot on.
A friend from my Bible study eagerly shared with me what had just transpired.
She had just finished an hour-and-a-half long phone call with her sister-in-law.
Apparently, at the end of their conversation her SIL, an adoption attorney, mentioned that a baby boy was due in two days.
She had casually asked my friend if she knew anyone looking to adopt a boy.
“Lindsay! This is YOUR son!!”
She just continued over and over with the same words.
“This is your son.”
72 hours from infertility to adoption
The next 72 hours were a whirlwind.
Early the next morning, I received a phone call from my adoption attorney.
After speaking briefly about the situation, she sent me electronic copies of our birth mother’s medical records.
I, in turn, sent them directly over to my primary care physician for his expert opinion.
Adoption Requires Community
You see, my family doctor, it turned out, was an adoptive father himself.
He had a heart for adoption and offered to help us as we navigated the adoption process.
In the past month, he had already looked through a couple of other potential birth mothers’ medical files.
Those adoption situations did not end up leading us to a match.
However, God had clearly positioned us in a relationship with this doctor for an obvious reason. Our son.
Domestic Adoption: Expect Substance Exposure
As is very common in domestic adoption, our birth mother did not have a perfect bill of health.
Nor did she make healthy choices during the pregnancy.
We wanted his opinion on what all of those variables could mean for our future child.
He called me within a couple of hours to give us the go-ahead to move forward with the adoption.
Learn More in Behind the Behavior Book!
Infertility to adoption… community support
Most of the next 72 hours were a blur. However, there are some moments that stick out vividly.
There were so many clearly visible blessings from the Lord.
That day, my mom (now deceased) and my step-father drove the 3-hour drive to stay with the girls in our absence.
In the US, adoptive families have to get legal permission to cross state lines with the adopted baby.
Because of this, we had no idea how long we would be stuck out of state.
The grandparents committed to caring for our girls for at least a couple of weeks.
Secondary Infertility & Bio Children
Quickly I made arrangements for the girls’ next two weeks of life.
I hadn’t thought about where Ian, the baby, and I would stay once we arrived.
God took care of that.
A friend arranged our hotel stay so I didn’t even have to think about it.
The evening before we left to meet our son’s birth mother and our son offered us another surprise.
As I frantically packed and prepared a schedule for my two little girls, I heard the doorbell ring.
His hands and feet
As I opened the door, I saw the hands and feet of Jesus right there on my doorstep.
There stood about ten sweet and dear friends of mine. Each of these women entered my home carrying in her arms some sort of baby gear.
- diapers,
- baby bottles,
- pacifiers,
- bags and bags of boy clothing,
- burp cloths,
- blankets,
- a stroller,
- a pack-n-play,
- diaper bag, etc.
You name it, they brought it. We had nothing to do or purchase for our son.
Our job was to get in the car and pick up that little baby boy. My girls know me well.
Praise God that my friends know Jesus even more.
I was beyond overwhelmed by their love and support and still am as I write this.
Infertility to adoption- Darkness leads to light
That very next day, Ian and I would take the next step in our journey from infertility to adoption.
In the darkness of early morning, we would depart from our home.
The ten-hour drive to meet our little boy and his selfless and hurting birth mother.
We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.
And that is exactly the way it needed to be.
Adoption Story Part 3 Click Here
Learn More in Behind the Behavior Book!
